Believe that your partner’s heart is open to you. Believe that the gifts have already been given. Live your life as though they have already done so. We are going to be okay.” Stop waiting for your partner to hand you the things you need. So what’s the solution? My prescription is simple: Go to your partner. Please say that we are going to be okay.” We keep voicing it and voicing it and voicing it-and in return, our partner does the same-but clear, simple action steps aren’t made, such as (“Let’s take a parenting class together so we can work better as a team” or “Let’s agree to no work phone calls on Sunday.”) Instead, we tend to resort to tactics like manipulation, silent treatments, and sarcastic remarks, all while internally what we are really thinking is: ‘Please love me. But most of us get hung up on that first step. It’s absolutely okay to get angry when there is disparity in your relationship, and to voice your disapproval and take steps to rectify that disparity. We would rather sacrifice love, peace and our very family unit because darn it, it’s not our turn!
And that, indeed, is many couples’ issues in a nutshell. His legs aren’t broken.”Īnd that was that. But when I suggested therapy, she angrily said, “No.” When I inquired “Why?” she told me: “Oh, so I can be the one to do all the work again? I will make the phone call? I will set it all up? I will be the one to make the change? No way. She had two young kids and was pregnant with her third, and she knew things were near a breaking point. For example, once I met a young woman who desperately wanted to save her marriage. Or more accurately put, we are waiting for our PARTNER to start Bibbity Bobbity Booing. It’s as if we are waiting for a fairy godmother to fix our problems. It is normal to have things in your relationship that you wish were different-whether we are talking vastly different (“I want her to stop drinking”) or mildly different (“I wish he wouldn’t always make me the bad guy with the kids.”) And, the good news is that most relationship problems can be fixed, provided that you are willing to do the work involved.īut here’s where the problem lies: We tend to expect change to come from the outside. Are you happy with your relationship right now? With your communication, your sex life, your shared household/parenting duties, your connection overall?Ĭhances are, if you are like most people, the answer is probably no.
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